Girls [to delight you and drive you crazy]
What's the deal with girls? So, I'm not complaining, they're essential to the life processes that have evolved on this planet. And often they're really nice, cute, friendly, etc. etc. But they can be so weird. These two girls who I'm living with right now are crazy. Last night, for the Golden Globes, they spent about half an hour getting dressed, putting on perfumes and makeup, buying sparkling cider and putting on hosiery and heels... all to sit in recliners in the living room with the rest of us who were in our comfy sweat pants and the like. What's the deal?
Plus, I think I've figured out what to do with my life. But [add thick Ricky Ricardo accent here] I cannot tell you because then I would have to kill you [end accent]. Any guesses on how I am gonna pay dem bills?
7 comments:
Any guesses on how I am gonna pay dem bills?
Highway robbery? Male prostitution? Pan handling in Memphis?
Wrestling middle eastern men in a bathing suit for a home video?
Oh, wait, my actress friend Lisa did that...
for one of your home videos/films no doubt, eh cattleworks?
I give up! Tell me. You can kill me, that's cool.
Man, I WISH it was for one of my films...
No, when she was living in NYC, she used to make some extra money for these videos. No sex, just... weird.
She'd wear a bathing suit and wrestle some middle eastern guy in his home.
She's embarrassed now, which is why I always like to bring it up.
But she figures it wasn't porn--
but I'm thinking, and actually, the spouse suggested it first, that since he was middle eastern, it might as well have been porn.
Cool!
Oh! And "thick RICKY RICARDO accent????!!!" Is Ricky Ricardo supposed to be some deadly CIA/undercover operative reference?
Well, wait, I forgot: I Love Lucy was, for its time, a sort of precursor to Alias...
Possible ways you can pay your bills, probably having to do with theater or the arts:
You're doing children's theater specifically for the offspring of felons enrolled in the witness relocation program. I'll know for sure if I see any audio post from Pahrump(sp?), Nevada (that's right, not JUST the location where the Martians land in MARS ATTACKS);
you're a fulltime doodlepad for a local tattoo shop-- of course now you're eating non-stop to increase job longevity;
you're doing voice-over work for foreign porn (aw, man-- wouldn't that be a hoot to do just for a day?);
you're gonna be a lab rat a la Robert Rodriguez (read his REBEL WITHOUT A CREW on the making of EL MARIACHI);
you've got a year-round gig doing drama rehabilitation at a high security prison, and the warden is a huge Charles Busch fan. First production you're mounting is Psycho Beach Party!;
You're going to China or India to mount knock-off touring productions of Broadway shows-- of course, they're only booked in like firehalls and church basements:
Tonight at St. Amelia's! The all Asian touring cast of Les Miserables!
oh goodness, if only my life we so exciting. thanks, cattleworks, for the ideas.
It occurs to me that what I said above:
"But she figures it wasn't porn--
but I'm thinking, and actually, the spouse suggested it first, that since he was middle eastern, it might as well have been porn."
--could be misconstrued.
When I say it might as well have been porn, I'm referring to the cultural differences between here in the states and in the middle east in terms of men's relationships with women. Whereas our conception of porn here may be far more explicit, rassling a strange woman who's wearing a bathing suit may be pretty racy stuff over there. THAT's what I meant.
Just in case people misinterpreted the remark to mean that wrestling with a middle eastern is so obscene a concept it might as well be porn. That's NOT what I meant.
If I'm going to make a tasteless remark/joke, at least correctly understand the tasteless remark/joke I'm making...
That's all. Just being paranoid.
Love,
Cattleworks, who's not necessarily politically correct, but perhaps a politically incorrect distinction maker
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