Laundry in the Afternoon

I was just doing some laundry this afternoon. Minding my own business. When I took note of instruction numero uno on the dryer:

1. Check inside of machine for children, pets or other foreign objects.

What?! Check inside the dryer for children? And pets? I think I'd notice immediately when I looked at the dryer, since there's a glass door on it, if a child or an animal were inside, wouldn't I? Wouldn't you?

And what makes the instruction-writer automatically assume that only foreign children and pets are likely to crawl inside a dryer, whose opening is perched approximately four feet off the floor? Why couldn't they be indiginous children or pets?

And who brings their kids or dogs to the laundromat (there's that blasted word again) anyhow? That's what nannies and pounds are for. Call a sitter, latch your adorable drooling pooch to the lamppost and wash your stockings. Don't subject the kids to waiting around in the oven-like room of washers and dryers. They don't want to be there and you don't want them there. Plus, since they're technically not allowed to play inside the dryer, it's no fun for them.

Hmm. Actually, there weren't any signs that said not to allow your children or animals (or other foreign objects) inside the dryer. The sign just said to check for them. Maybe you should check to make sure they're there. Or, because most children actually do play inside of them, you should check in case you've lost yours.

Also, there were no similar signs on the washing machine. So, by the sin of omission, I guess it's technically permitted to not check the washing machine for children, pets or other foreign objects. Which therefore means it is generally accepted to let them stay inside the washing machine throughout the complete cycle.

I don't really think we should do that, though. Because they could drown. Or, they might look like prunes when they come out. Worse, how would we best dry them? We know they're not allowed in the dryer, so we'd have to go back home and get a towel.

That's why I don't have kids.

Or pets.

Or other foreign objects.