Dear Diary

Here, now, a sort of entry perhaps I should have reserved for my locked-and-chained-pink-and-white-flowered diary:

ARGH! I'm so frustrated. I don't know what's wrong or why and it's just making me so mad. AH. OK, so, I didn't go to the audition today. In fact, I didn't go to an audition all week, and now I have to wait until Friday morning for another opportunity. And I don't know why I'm not going. Well, that's a lie. I sort of do. I'm nervous. I'm nervous to go to any audition at AEA and sit there and not be seen. WHY? For goodness sake, I should be less nervous because the odds are I won't be seen, therefore no need to be nervous. I should be nervous when I go to a non-eq call and actually am seen, because I am sucking at those and people are actually seeing me suck at those.

Of course, the hour of the morning doesn't help. If an audition starts at 9:30, and I'm told the doors open at 7:30, then I sure as hell better be there at 7:30 to get my name on the list in the hopes of possibly being seen. If I get there at 8:30, I have a zilch chance, I am assuming. Of course, in high school, I was up at 5:55am every day. But that was a long time ago.

I don't understand this. And it's frustrating because I don't have a survival job, and so all I can do it sit at home, surfing the various audition notices, trying to find out which audition I won't go to next. COME ON. I can't figure it out. And I need to stop being a baby about this and actually go. That's the only solution to not going: going.

So there. Actual insight into my life. And about twelve hours earlier than I've been posting lately. And hopefully it will make me feel better when I now go and watch my Ti-Vo'd REGIS AND KELLY or last night's infomercials. Of course, (well, maybe not of course, but truly) I am kidding. I'll now have lunch, do some reading and then head off to rehearsal.

Gracious sakes.