Open Letter: Subway Stranger

Dear Subway Stranger:

I know the weather is warm. Heck, I am perspiring myself from my six-block walk here this morning -- I mean, it's not even 9:30 in the morning yet. The problem isn't the heat, it's your attire. Well, more specifically your podiatric health.

Take a look at the pretty girl over the wearing her strappy sandals. See? No problems. She cleans her feet, paints her nails and wears nice summer shoes. Now look at my feet. Can't see 'em, right? That's because I have to wear shoes to work, so I hide my feet. Now look at yours. WHOA! Yep, you almost vomited, too, just like I did.

Okay, why is this? See, you have disgusting toenails. And you're wearing flip-flops. This is 100% unacceptable. You should either (a) fix your toenails, (b) cover them up, or (c) get the hell away from me.

That's it. K.I.S.S.

Beedow

An Open Letter to the Sun

Dear Mr Sunshine:

It has been a long time since we've seen each other, and I just wanted to thank you for shining this afternoon. I spent the morning in an audition studio and when I emerged, like a butterfly from a cocoon, I smiled at your warmth. In fact, I decided not to even cross the street where I should have so that I could spend another few blocks in your rays.

I look forward to seeing you again soon. Maybe we could continue this friendship into next week.

Yours,
Beedow